Helloooo Newman: Recession : What if I'm feeling down, but not really, really down? I'm not in a depression. More like a recession. ...

What if I'm feeling down, but not really, really down? I'm not in a depression. More like a recession. Can I take anti-recessants?...

Helloooo Newman: Power Paul : The world needs me. I'm going into Paulitics.

The world needs me. I'm going into Paulitics.

Helloooo Newman: Kim Jong-un believeable : The North Korean regime finally admitted that their dear leader does not operate outside of the l...

The North Korean regime finally admitted that their dear leader does not operate outside of the laws of physics. It turns out that Kim ...

Helloooo Newman: Pandemic Twister : Yesterday we played Twister with social distancing. Some call it yoga.

Yesterday we played Twister with social distancing. Some call it yoga.

Helloooo Newman: Golf Nut : I'm so glad golfing is back. I can continue to practice socially distancing the ball from the hole.

I'm so glad golfing is back. I can continue to practice socially distancing the ball from the hole.

Helloooo Newman: Masked Singer : Watch out for the new show The N95 Masked Singer .

Watch out for the new show The N95 Masked Singer .

Helloooo Newman: Flies me to the Moon : I hope the black flies have read about social distancing.

I hope the black flies have read about social distancing.

Helloooo Newman: Pandemic Surgery : People who want an apandectomy want all the restrictions removed.

People who want an apandectomy want all the restrictions removed.

Helloooo Newman: Beefs : Now that I'm a vegetarian, I have to give up all my beefs about the world.

Now that I'm a vegetarian, I have to give up all my beefs about the world.

Helloooo Newman: Murder Hornets : Many scientists are pushing back on the exaggerated danger of murder hornets. With a good lawyer, the horn...

Many scientists are pushing back on the exaggerated danger of murder hornets. With a good lawyer, the hornets have argued their crimes down ...

Helloooo Newman: Visiting Hours : I'm so desperate to have someone over to chat with, I think I'd even invite Charles Manson over. I...

I'm so desperate to have someone over to chat with, I think I'd even invite Charles Manson over. If he weren't already dead. Or ...

Helloooo Newman: Back in Black : There he goes with black face again. When will he learn?

There he goes with black face again. When will he learn?

For some reason my Facebook feed is showing short fight scenes from all kinds of different movies. Finally, I'm learning something use...

Helloooo Newman: Fighting Spirit : For some reason my Facebook feed is showing short fight scenes from all kinds of different movies. Fina...

Helloooo Newman: Covid Cure : Here's a tip: If you're fighting covid, you want to inject yourself with bleach but the store was all ...

Here's a tip: If you're fighting covid, you want to inject yourself with bleach but the store was all sold out? Try watching Fox New...

Helloooo Newman: No Warning : If there are people who actually need to be told to refrain from injecting bleach into their body, perhaps I...

If there are people who actually need to be told to refrain from injecting bleach into their body, am I really doing them a favour by warnin...

Helloooo Newman: Die and Go to New Zealand : God has issued a statement saying that Heaven is now located in New Zealand.

God has issued a statement saying that Heaven is now located in New Zealand, and there's limited space.

Helloooo Newman: Future Tense : I wish I had a promising future to look back on.

I wish I had a promising future to look back on.

Helloooo Newman: Dry Quarantine : I read an article from this expert psychologist who suggested one shouldn't drink while in quarantine ...

I read an article from this expert psychologist who suggested one shouldn't drink while in quarantine during this very stressful time. ...

Helloooo Newman: Pull Up Your Socks : New Zealand Prime Minister has almost eliminated Covid and has reduced her salary by 20%. Canadian Pri...

New Zealand Prime Minister has almost eliminated Covid and has reduced her salary by 20%. Canadian Prime Minister has yet to pull up his nic...

Helloooo Newman: If The Sock Fits : First item on my xmas list. Pair of dress socks for Mr. Trudeau.

First item on my xmas list. Pair of dress socks for Mr. Trudeau.

Helloooo Newman: I Miss My Dentist : I miss my dentist. The smell of burning tooth enamel. The curvy plastic chair with the headrest that ...

I miss my dentist. The smell of burning tooth enamel. The curvy plastic chair with the headrest that bends my spine in unnatural ways. Ans...

Helloooo Newman: Overcrowded : This city is getting harder and harder to move around in. Yesterday I was walking down the sidewalk and I s...

This city is getting harder and harder to move around in. Yesterday I was walking down the sidewalk and, using my peripherals, I spot some...

Helloooo Newman: Entertaining Ideas : Last night I had a big party and entertained some new ideas. Some of them got really drunk, puked on m...

Last night I had a big party and entertained some new ideas. Some of them got really drunk, puked on my computer and fell asleep on the couc...

Helloooo Newman: Snow White and the Five Dwarfs : For parents reading Snow White to their children, please inform your kids that there are ...

For parents reading Snow White to their children, please inform your kids that there are now only 5 dwarfs and explain why. Sneezy is qua...

Helloooo Newman: Aretha Franklin : The question of the decade: Who's zoomin' who?

The question of the decade: Who's zoomin' who?