Helloooo Newman: The new Bondi movie? :   Bondi Pam Bondi Q: Careful Bondi, the ring is an immigrant detector

  Bondi Pam Bondi Q: Careful Bondi, the ring is an immigrant detector

Helloooo Newman: Disney's second job : I wonder why Walt Disney went into power tools. And why add the "De"? Maybe this happen...

I wonder why Walt Disney went into power tools. And why add the "De"? Maybe this happened: "Hey, these power tools are the mo...

Helloooo Newman: Study hard : The latest study to come out studied everything and found it was responsible for nothing.

The latest study to come out studied everything and found it was responsible for nothing.

Helloooo Newman: They say it's your birthday : Today is John Lennon's birthday. Except it's not. Because he's dead. Did you ...

Today is John Lennon's birthday. Except it's not. Because he's dead. Did you know it's John Lennon's birthday? He would ...

Helloooo Newman: New car : These are the worst times to buy a new car. I suggest you use a new philosophy. Carpay-ment diem

These are the worst times to buy a new car. I suggest you use a new philosophy. Carpay-ment diem

Helloooo Newman: My stop procrastinating now course! : Physicists now believe the universe will end in a big crunch in just 20 billion years...

Physicists now believe the universe will end in a big crunch in just 20 billion years and not endlessly expand, as originally thought. So st...

Helloooo Newman: Crosstown Tumour : Doctors have diagnosed me wth a brain tumour but told me it's developing about as fast as the Eglint...

Doctors have diagnosed me wth a brain tumour but told me it's developing about as fast as the Eglinton Crosstown LRT so relax and enjoy ...

Helloooo Newman: Net Worth : Elon Musk briefly hit $500 billion in net worth today. I'm proud to say that Elon and I together are worth ...

Elon Musk briefly hit $500 billion in net worth today. I'm proud to say that Elon and I together are worth a little over $500 billion.

Helloooo Newman: Killing machines : A man wearing eyeliner tells other men to be killing machines. And that women can't be killing machi...

A man wearing eyeliner tells other men to be killing machines. And that women can't be killing machines. Or gays.

Helloooo Newman: Dougie's diagnosis : Doug Ford was recently diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome.  Ecstatic Doug yelled. "A carpo...

Doug Ford was recently diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome.  Ecstatic Doug yelled. "A carpool tunnel? Under the 401?" Doctors ex...

Helloooo Newman: New Air Force One : Given the escalator debacle at the UN, Trump will now travel with his own escalator. It will be called ...

Given the escalator debacle at the UN, Trump will now travel with his own escalator. It will be called Escalator Force One. It will be made ...

Helloooo Newman: No second shooter : This just in. After an exhaustive study of all the facts and conspiracy theories, RFK JR has concluded ...

This just in. After an exhaustive study of all the facts and conspiracy theories, RFK JR has concluded that JFK was not shot but died from d...

Helloooo Newman: Pouring his heart out : I was going to tell Doug Ford yesterday I am locating all my dog walking services to the U.S. but n...

I was going to tell Doug Ford yesterday I am locating all my dog walking services to the U.S. but now I'm afraid of how he'll react....

Helloooo Newman: Get a job, Job : I wonder if Job from the Bible ever got angry and confused when people told him to get a job. But…I'm…...

I wonder if Job from the Bible ever got angry and confused when people told him to get a job. But…I'm…say what, now? BTW, it's Job, ...

Helloooo Newman: The View : Yesterday a woman asked me about my views on lesbians and I told her it's usually in full HD, but sometimes ...

Yesterday a woman asked me about my views on lesbians and I told her it's usually in full HD, but sometimes I'm stuck with just my A...

Helloooo Newman: Longer Universe : Cosmologists have discovered that if we keep daylight savings permanent, the universe will last 1 trillio...

Cosmologists have discovered that if we keep daylight savings permanent, the universe will last 1 trillion years longer and have lots of lig...

Helloooo Newman: Where were you? : So? Where were you? When Taylor and Travis announced? Wedding bells, the new instrument on her next album...

So? Where were you? When Taylor and Travis announced? Wedding bells, the new instrument on her next album I was shopping for Preparation H, ...

Helloooo Newman: Sacrifical lamb : In a weird way it's comforting that cops want me to give up all my belongings and possibly get murder...

In a weird way it's comforting that cops want me to give up all my belongings and possibly get murdered rather than defend myself and po...

Helloooo Newman: I would walk 10,000 steps : My doctor told me it's okay to walk 10,000 steps a day as long as it's in the direction...

My doctor told me it's okay to walk 10,000 steps a day as long as it's in the direction of a hospital just in case I collapse.

Helloooo Newman: Dry Hell : I use to really worry about going to Hell. Until I read an obscure passage in the Bible that says it's a rea...

I use to really worry about going to Hell. Until I read an obscure passage in the Bible that says it's a really dry heat. Not so worried...

Helloooo Newman: Vlad "Cheeks" Putin : I would have thought Putin would show up in a bigger plane, given the amount of botox in hi...

I would have thought Putin would show up in a bigger plane, given the amount of botox in his cheeks. Anyway, let's hope for a happy endi...

Helloooo Newman: Micro question : I understand the world is filled with micro-plastics and yet I never see them. But I see the micro-brewery...

I understand the world is filled with micro-plastics and yet I never see them. But I see the micro-brewery I visit all the time. What's ...

Helloooo Newman: Inflation party : Burgers at my place. Bring your own buns.

Burgers at my place. Bring your own buns.

Helloooo Newman: It's the saddest of all keys : Elton John is in the new Spinal Tap movie. As big a cultural icon as you can imagine. Ka...

Elton John is in the new Spinal Tap movie. As big a cultural icon as you can imagine. Katy Perry is dating Justin Trudeau. Someone's car...

Helloooo Newman: Circumcision : I never knew that circumcision is short for circumference decision. Makes sense. Except you don't reall...

I never knew that circumcision is short for circumference decision. Makes sense. Except you don't really get to decide.